I'm relatively unable to pursue anything with the energy and the passion I desire to do lately and I hate it more than I am able to express. Let me explain things as I see them, to the best of my ability right now.
If you imagine yourself to have X amount of energy to complete a certain number of things everyday, let's say 5 major things, I swing between having energy to do 2 or 3 of them. I've lived my life in such a way that I could write a paper, hang out with friends, exercise, read a book, make it through the day, and go to work all in one day rather easily to now being forced to choose between seeing friends, working, or making it through the day. I can't do all three of them in one day. I sometimes don't feel like I can do two of them. This infuriates me to no end.
More over, the more time that this headache ticks on, the more that I find myself unable to hope for change. I find myself more aggravated with the world, more distant from people, and more emotionally violent than I care to admit. I don't have the energy to keep at this forever. But I have to have the energy to make ends meet, to make sure that I go to work so I can be paid, to see my friends because without them I have no sanity, to keep writing because it is a lifeline to me, and to keep pressing on in life because standing still is painful as well.
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