Forgive me my mysticism, or lack there of, but we are all hypocrites. I do not claim to be holier than I am, which is to say, at all, but it seems to me, that taking any notion of God's grace as true, we must recognize that we are entirely undeserving of it. Grace, by definition is unwarranted, unearned, and sometimes unwelcome. Now, I know there are theologies that say that grace is irresistible, and I bet there are theologies that say that a person can deny grace, but it seems to me, one way or another, I'm here, I'm praying, and I am undeserving of that.
And please don't misunderstand me. My undeserving is not because I think myself a wholly wretched creature, but because it is the nature of grace to be undeserved. I haven't deserved really the opportunity to pray, no more than I really earn my right to live. I haven't worked for it, I just have it.
So, I'm hypocritical in saying this. All you who do not pray because you feel as though you are too sinful or uncertain or unrighteous in that prayer, to all those who are painfully aware of their inabilities and unbelief, simply start praying. Pray about those things, make them known and felt, but don't let this uncertainty keep you from that. And thus my hypocrisy is known, for all my utterances of assurance, I cannot find the weakness to pray either. I have no meekness in my bones that will allow me to kneel without a fight, and yet I will eternally beseech others to do what I cannot. Thus is the nature of my faith.
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